


Better

by okemmelie



Category: The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals - Team StarKid
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, idk ???? i think that's what it is, it has a lot of self-hate from charlotte's side and idk, it's a thing that exists for sure, one day i'll learn how to use tags properly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-02-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:20:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22533133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/okemmelie/pseuds/okemmelie
Summary: Charlotte's marriage is falling apart and it's her fault. It's not because Sam doesn't love her anymore. He does. She just needs to be better, because maybe if she is their marriage will be whole again. But being better takes a lot of work. And being better means not sleeping with Ted.
Relationships: Charlotte/Sam (The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals), Charlotte/Ted (The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 27





	Better

**Author's Note:**

> from the angst/fluff prompt list (https://helenmcwife.tumblr.com/post/190610636932/angstfluff-prompt-list) and per request of butchandfluff !!!!

Charlotte liked to think about her imperfection.

Or maybe she didn’t like to  _ think _ about them, but she sure did spend a lot of time doing it anyway. It was hard not to and while she logically knew she’d probably feel better if she just stopped, she also knew in her heart that her being filled with imperfections was the best possible reality. Or at least the reality she preferred to live in.

Imperfections were things she could change, things she could work towards. She could make tangible goals for herself and start working towards meeting them, in the belief that one day her situation would change. And one day, when more of her imperfections were gone, things with Sam would get better.

She saw her imperfections almost everywhere and whenever she did, she understood why things were so rough lately. It was a rough reality to face, but she could see it. At least she could see it. And if she could see it, she could change it.

When she burnt dinner or put too much salt in the pasta or too little pepper on his steak, or when she didn’t have dinner ready for Sam as soon as he got home from work or when she had it ready too soon so it’d get cold and he’d have to microwave it ( _ It just doesn’t taste the same _ , he’d say and he would be completely right), that was things she could change. That was things she could work towards and things she could make better. She could become a better chef and she could get to know her husband well enough to know how much salt he wants in his pasta or how much pepper he wants on his steak, like any other proper wife probably already knew after fifteen year of marriage.

Or like when she was in the bathroom, which she was every single day, and she’d look at herself in the mirror and see all the things that were wrong with her face. And then she’d try to fix it with makeup to look better for her Sam, but she’s never been very good at makeup. She’ll work on it, though. And one day, it’ll be enough. Just like she’ll work on her weight and her closet. Sam is right: No one should own that many cat sweaters. She just needs to save up enough money to buy some nicer clothes and get over her fear of throwing her beloved sweaters out. Which she can do. She knows she can.

Or like when she slept with Ted.

She never meant for that to happen, it just sort of did. He was nice and charming and he paid attention to her in a way Sam hadn’t in years. And she tried to resist him, she did! Because she loved Sam and she wanted to be faithful to him more than anything. But she’d been sad and horny and Ted had been right there and he had wanted her. At least he had made her feel like he wanted her. And that was something.

And now, she was in his bed. It was certainly not the first time it had happened: Hell, it wasn’t even the first time this  _ week _ . With Ted, things were always better. He pretended to care about her, he pretended she was the most interesting and beautiful woman on the planet and he gave her attention and sex. And it was nice. Until it wasn’t.

Because sleeping with Ted was always good right until she came. After that, it turned horrible. Because she logically knew that cheating was bad and she always started worrying. What would Sam think?

“I need to get out of here,” she told him. She always told him that, because she always needed to get out of there as soon as they were done. Sure, the idea of cuddling after sex was nice and inviting and Ted never showed opposition to the idea, but Charlotte always got an idea that she could be a better wife right after she was done being a bad one.

Ted just raised an eyebrow at her, rolled his eyes and sighed. “I suppose you do. Need me to show you to the door?” He put his hand on her body again and it’s enough to get Charlotte off the bed.

She could be a better wife. She knew it. But she couldn’t be a better wife if she kept seeing Ted. “No need.” She started getting dressed and tuned out all the smalltalk Ted tried to lead. He always gave up eventually. “This has to be the last time.”

“Sure, Charlotte.” Last time, she said that as well. She always did. But this time, she meant it. She left without another word and she wasn’t coming back.

Sometimes, Charlotte would come home to an unlocked door. There’d be shoes in the entrance, unfamiliar to her and she’d know what was happening without looking at the clothes left in the hallway all the way to their bedroom.  _ Their  _ bedroom. Sometimes, Sam would have sex with other women.

Today was one of those days. Charlotte didn’t even have to open the bedroom door to conclude that, because she could hear it. It was an awful sound, really, and it reminded Charlotte once again that she wasn’t good enough. If she was good enough, Sam would be having sex with her and he wouldn’t need to cheat on her.

She was a coward. That was an imperfection. She didn’t even have the guts to interrupt them, to throw the stranger out of her bed and tell her husband that she wanted things to change. Instead, she quietly made her way to the kitchen and got out a bottle of gin and she drank. That, too, was an imperfection. But at least it was an imperfection that made her existence a little better, if only for a moment.

Sam didn’t throw the woman out. He let her sleep over in their bed and he didn’t even check up on Charlotte, didn’t even text her to know where she was or ask if she was coming home. And Charlotte eventually fell asleep in the kitchen, which is also an awful thing of her to do really.

In the morning, Sam carried her to bed and called Mr. Davidson to let him know Charlotte wouldn’t be coming in today.  _ You’re unbelievable _ , he told her. And she knew he didn’t mean it in a good way.  _ You need to get your fucking shit together, you can’t pull shit like this ever again, understood? _

Charlotte answered in a mumble and Sam yelled at her a little more before going off to work. She was really fucking pathetic and it made sense Sam wasn’t satisfied with her. Feeling awful about herself sucked, but it beat the alternative. She’d much rather hate herself and try to fix all her mistakes than live in a reality where Sam didn’t love her anymore.

After that day, she tried her best to better herself more than she had previously. She stopped drinking, she stopped sleeping with Ted, she stopped putting too much salt in the pasta. She still felt pathetic, but she was trying.

She threw out her sweaters and borrowed a dress from one of her friends that had grown out of it. She went to an expensive makeup place and had one of the makeup artists do her makeup for her. She booked a table at an expensive restaurant and told Sam they were going there tonight.

And he agreed to go with her. It made her happy. He called her beautiful and in the car, he told him he was happy about the improvements she was making to her life: He was especially happy about the cat sweaters finally being gone.  _ They were so ugly _ , he told him. She didn’t think so, but if he’s happy she’s happy.

But it wasn’t enough. Their waiter arrived and she was younger, more beautiful, more exciting. And Sam’s attention? Gone, just as fast as it came back.

Not even a week later, Charlotte ran into her on the way up the stairs to their apartment. She apologized. And while she appreciated it, Charlotte never blamed her. Instead of going home, she allowed herself to make a mistake. She got back in her car and she drove to Ted’s place.

He opened the door almost immediately and started talking. “Charlotte? I thought last time was the last t–”

While she appreciated his attempt at casual smalltalk and usually wouldn’t mind the few minutes he wastes flirting whenever they hookup, she didn’t want that this time. She cut him off with a kiss and he accepted it and took her to his bed. And while she still felt bad when it was over, she didn’t leave immediately.

“I just don’t get it,” she said, eyes locked with the floor. “I just don’t get what’s wrong with me. I keep trying to be good enough for him and it never seems to be enough. Maybe I should get a gym membership. Maybe I should–”

Ted was the one to shut her up with a kiss this time. “Nothing is wrong with you.”

“What?” She looked at him, an eyebrow raised in confusion. “That’s silly. And quite frankly, it’s wrong. I can’t even cook a steak the way he likes it! And, I mean, look at me. I have stretch marks and I’m far t–”

“Charlotte, stop. Look at me.  _ Nothing  _ is wrong with you. You’re human, yes, but nothing is wrong with that. You’re beau–” He stopped himself and while Charlotte could tell he probably has more to say, she didn’t press it. “I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say the issue isn’t you. The issue’s Sam. You can’t make someone love you just because you want them to. Not that I blame you for wanting to. It’s not like you can stop loving someone just because you want to.”

Charlotte wanted to ask him what he meant by that and maybe Ted knew that, because he kissed her again before she has the chance. Maybe she’ll one day allow herself to take the advice of a man who brings her to his bed and makes her feel loved. But not today. Today she’ll be selfish and only focus on feeling loved. Ted’s always been good at bringing that feeling up in her.


End file.
